Strong interest.

Cultivate a strong feeling for each other.

Respect and admiration.

Hold each other in high regard.

Friendship and fellowship.

Have many things in common.

Self-giving devotion.

Practice mutual love despite each other’s faults.

Affection.

Offer to your partner a shoulder to cry on when burdens are too heavy to bear alone.

“Love is a plant of heavenly growth, and it must be fostered and nourished. Affectionate hearts, truthful, loving words, will make happy families and exert an elevating influence upon all who come within the sphere of their influence.”—Ibid., vol. 4, p. 548.

“The ideas of courtship have their foundation in erroneous ideas concerning marriage. They follow impulse and blind passion. The courtship is carried on in a spirit of flirtation. . . . The youth trust altogether too much to impulse. They should not give themselves away too easily, nor be captivated too readily by the winning exterior of the lover. Courtship as carried on in this age is a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord. Good common sense is needed here if anywhere; but the fact is, it has little to do in the matter.”—The Adventist Home, p. 55.

The present-day social order has developed what we can call “recreational dating.” Men and women go from one relationship to another, sometimes with a marriage oath easily taken and readily broken. I compare this dating system to a lady going to the supermarket. She looks at the products, chooses a nice one, puts it into the basket, takes it home, and tries it out. If she is not satisfied, she returns it (no questions asked!) and chooses a different brand. What a culture!

There can be no solid relationship on such a foundation. A marriage commitment is a liability, and there is no way you can get in and out of it without hurt and pain. Human beings are very fragile in their ability to reach out to others. God created us with a need to be wanted, to be appreciated, to be cared for, and to be loved. And when a man or a woman becomes part of a relationship that is later broken, even if the wound heals, a painful scar still remains. Not only is the pain felt—there is also a sense of reserve or caution built into the injured person, who will never again feel free to open up to another human being, because he or she has been betrayed and taken advantage of. Such negative experiences affect the woman more often than the man. Obviously, this kind of wrong dating and vicious courtship does not work and, as a result, the family relationship becomes weaker and weaker. Once you enter this dangerous zone, you are very vulnerable. God has promised to protect us if we walk in His ways and take the marriage oath seriously. The marriage covenant, entered into according to the plan of God, builds a fence around our sacred family relationship and keeps it from pain, shame, and hurt.

To face the mentioned danger, we have counsels from the pen of inspiration:

1. Avoid becoming lovesick. “Imagination, lovesick sentimentalism, should be guarded against as would be the leprosy.”—Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 123.

2. “Turn your mind away from romantic projects.”—Ibid., vol. 2, p. 249.

3. Do not daydream. “Think right thoughts, and you will perform right actions.”—The Youth’s Instructor, April 21, 1886.

4. Do not keep late hours. “These hours of midnight dissipation, in this age of depravity, frequently lead to the ruin of both parties thus engaged.”—The Review and Herald, September 25, 1888.

5. Do not trifle with hearts. “To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God.”—Ibid., November 4, 1884.

6. Avoid the first downward step. “When one commandment of the Decalogue is broken, the downward steps are almost certain. When once the barriers of female modesty are removed, the basest licentiousness does not appear exceeding sinful.”—The Signs of the Times, December 30, 1880.

7. Do not step into forbidden ground. Do not permit familiarity. . . . “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

8. Obtain vigilant self-instruction and bring yourself under self-control.

If we want to enjoy and practice true love, we must follow the rules that God has established for us. It is very clear in the Scriptures that God has set a pattern for the preparation of our children to carry responsibilities. How can we allow our boys and girls to follow the customs of the world in dating when we know that they can’t control their emotions? Most teenagers today have never been taught to control anything. When they wish to have something they scream or pout like a little child. And they generally get what they demand from their indulgent parents who end up saying, “Let’s give them what they want, right or wrong, to keep them happy.” That’s the philosophy sanctioned by society today. To any opposition offered by their spoiled brats, parents respond by giving in. Then our children become the rulers of the house and presume to be qualified to point out the direction that we are to take. To save them from a course that would make them useless in the world, useless in the family, and useless even to themselves, we should teach them to be submissive and responsible.

Marriage is a sacred vow. We are to enter into it with utmost reverence and the highest respect. We cannot make jokes about it or consider it lightly. And we also need to prepare our children for this very, very sacred step. One of the reasons why the world is in a distressful condition is that fathers and mothers have not prepared their offspring for one of the most important relationships that God has created for humanity.

The social system prevalent in the world today encourages emotional attachments. Such a thing should not be countenanced by Christian parents. And our children are not ready for that. They need to grow up with us first. They don’t need infatuations, commitments, crushes, and other things that cloud their romantic picture. They must first be trained. And, when they are mature enough to enter into a marriage relationship, this should be done with the assistance of the God-fearing parents, within the circumscription of the home, and not on an individual basis with puppy love.

Biblically, a courting couple has no right to assume a commitment and make marriage arrangements without first consulting father and mother. When the right principle is followed, a lot of misunderstandings, hurts, and pains can be avoided. In this sense, it is our duty as parents to help prepare the young generation for the problems that they will have to face in the world. The system of the world is falling apart. If the people of the world want to go on with their method, we will not stop them. However, our enlightened conscience tells us that we become losers if we try to imitate them. We do not need the example of worldlings who are involved in broken relationships as a model to follow.

God patterned the man to protect the woman and to provide for her. She is to face the brunt, the pain, and the sorrow. But too heavy of a burden is not to be placed upon her. To spare her a great deal of suffering, God’s provision, the husband, is to help her, cover her, and protect her. This is true love, which is to continue throughout the lifelong marriage relationship. This is what God wants Christians to understand and practice.

“A house with love in it, where love is expressed in words and looks and deeds, is a place where angels love to manifest their presence, and hallow the scene by rays of light from glory. . . . Love should be seen in the looks and manners, and heard in the tones of the voice.”—Testimonies, vol. 2, p. 417.

“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God” (1 John 4:7).

A serious missionary work needs to be done in the home and in the church. This is where those who have received Christ are to show what grace has done and can do for them. A larger measure of divine influence is needed, so that the home on earth may become a symbol of the home in heaven. The church needs all the spiritual force that can be obtained, that all the members of the Lord’s family, young and old, may be edified and prepared for the coming events and for the kingdom of glory.