Call to mind the words of the Lord through Moses: “Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart.” “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:17, 18).

When the Saviour spoke the sermon on the mount, He tried to help His hearers understand that the Word of God had a deeper meaning than they had heretofore understood. They had been taught that whoever killed his brother would be in danger of the judgment. “But,” Christ said, “whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment . . . but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire” (Matthew 5:21, 22). The law is not just a matter of rules or forms, the law is spiritual.

“The Saviour’s words revealed to His hearers the fact that, while they were condemning others as transgressors, they were themselves equally guilty; for they were cherishing malice and hatred.”1 Many were continually trying to find a cloak for their disobedience to the law. If they could find a technicality that made it seem that they were keeping the law, they felt their conscience was clean. God looks beyond outward appearances. He sees the heart, and this is what Christ was trying to teach. “For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Dale Carnegie once explained, “Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” What do you think is more important to God: what kind of person other people think you are, or what kind of person you really are? Christ spoke clearly on this subject: “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21).

Let us take a closer look at the meaning of the Saviour’s words. “The spirit of hatred and revenge originated with Satan, and it led him to put to death the Son of God. Whoever cherishes malice or unkindness is cherishing the same spirit, and its fruit will be unto death. . . . ‘Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him’ (1 John 3:15).”2 Let’s assume we have no murderous feelings for our brother, but examine what feelings we do have more closely. “In the gift of His Son for our redemption, God has shown how high a value He places upon every human soul, and He gives to no man liberty to speak contemptuously of another. We shall see faults and weaknesses in those about us, but God claims every soul as His property - His by creation, and doubly His as purchased by the precious blood of Christ. All were created in His image, and even the most degraded are to be treated with respect and tenderness.”3

Christ asks us to speak well of each other, to look for the positive attributes in each other’s characters, to encourage each other to do better for the Lord. His will for us is: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). We cannot control other’s behaviors, we can only control our own.

“Our brother may have done us a greater wrong than we have done him, but this does not lessen our responsibility. If when we come before God we remember that another has aught against us, we are to leave our gift of prayer, of thanksgiving, of freewill offering, and go to the brother with whom we are at variance, and in humility confess our own sin and ask to be forgiven.”4

“Recompense to no man evil for evil. . . . Avenge not yourselves” (Romans 12:17, 19). This can be a hard saying for one who has legitimately been hurt and wronged by unkind acts of others, but this is what the Lord asks. Note that Christ’s focus was not on the other person, the person with whom we may be upset, the person who caused our hurt feelings or resentment or anger. He does not focus on whether the feelings are justified; in fact, the implication is that they may BE justified. The words “grudge not,” “be reconciled,” “forbear,” and “forgive one another,” imply that someone has wronged another, that there IS something for which to forgive the person. Is Christ’s focus on the wrong that was done, or the person who did it? No. His focus is on us, on what we will do with our feelings, on our reaction to the other person. His healthy advice is to forgive the person, to forbear, and to not hold a grudge.

“If we keep uppermost in our minds the unkind and unjust acts of others we shall find it impossible to love them as Christ has loved us; but if our thoughts dwell upon the wondrous love and pity of Christ for us, the same spirit will flow out to others.”5

God wishes us to be accountable to each other. It may be that apologizing for your “lesser” wrong may prompt your brother or sister to apologize for his or her own failing, and thus prevent a great harm to the church/body of Christ. There should be no need to be defensive toward each other, for remember the promise: “If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Review what David said about Shimei, a man who cursed and threw rocks at David and his men, in 2 Samuel 16:5-14. We must do what is right and follow the voice of our Friend and Saviour and do His bidding, and He can see to the working out of our problems. Our duty is not to worry about the slights and faults of our brethren and sisters - (yes we should pray for them as we do for our own families); our job is to “Let [your] loins be girded about, and [your] lights burning” (Luke 12:35).

Time is so short now that Satan is working on us harder than ever to distract us with any little conflict or disagreement. He wants anything but to allow us time to reflect on the defects in our spiritual existence. Our sins have separated us from God, and he wishes to keep it that way. Instead of the defects in our brethren and sisters, God actually wants us to focus on repentance for our own sins, justification, sanctification, and preparation for the Latter Rain, which will soon come. Satan wants us to be like the foolish virgins who did not have enough oil, while God wants us to be without spot or wrinkle, to learn the overcomer’s experience. “The examples in God’s word of genuine repentance and humiliation reveal a spirit of confession in which there is no excuse for sin or attempt at self justification.”6 As the pen of Inspiration so adeptly points out: “There have ever been two classes among those who profess to be followers of Christ. While one class study the Saviour’s life and earnestly seek to correct their defects and conform to the Pattern, the other class shun the plain, practical truths which expose their errors.”7 Pray to God that this will not be said of us! Rather, let our prayer be: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23, 24).

“The law of God is the mirror to show man the defects in his character. But it is not pleasant to those who take pleasure in unrighteousness to see their moral deformity. They do not prize this faithful mirror because it reveals to them their sins. Therefore, instead of instituting a war against their carnal minds, they war against the true and faithful mirror, given them by Jehovah for the very purpose that they may not be deceived, but that they may have revealed to them the defects in their character.”8

In great mercy Jesus tells us these things because He knows what is required for us to overcome our enemy, and He knows who will enter the city of God as conquerors. He provides us with all the information we need to enter there.

Continuing to examine our responsibilities on this subject, even statements that might injure one’s influence in any way should be rectified: “If we have in any manner defrauded or injured our brother, we should make restitution. If we have unwittingly borne false witness, if we have misstated his words, if we have injured his influence in any way, we should go to the ones with whom we have conversed about him, and take back all our injurious misstatements.”9

Has Christ set an example in this area for us? He had no harsh rebuke or anger for the one who betrayed him, but showed him love and gave him every chance to repent and change. He let Peter know he forgave him even before he denied his Saviour. He also had a consistent response toward another of His creation: Lucifer who became Satan. Christ Himself, when contending with Satan about the body of Moses, “durst not bring against him a railing accusation” (Jude 9). Had He done this, He would have placed Himself on Satan’s ground, for accusation is the weapon of the evil one. He is called in Scripture, “The accuser of our brethren” (Revelation 12:10).

Brethren and sisters, let us not be known to the holy angels who protect and care for us, working every day for our salvation, as “accusers of our brethren.” We should assure that this type of report should not have to be carried by heavenly messengers to the place where our Saviour is now interceding for us, and left there to be dealt with at some future date. Let us remember what the Lord says: “I will bless thee . . . and thou shalt be a blessing” (Genesis 12:2). We are sure none of us would want to be part of the reason the Lord is delaying to come back and take us home. Let the Lord defend us if we speak the truth. And remember, “we will not be able to meet the trials of this time without God.”10 So, let’s make sure we aren’t shaming our Saviour, and that angels can walk by our sides. There is so much other than conflict on which to focus: Let the Lord “stablish you in every good word and work” (2 Thessalonians 2:17). Let us be like our Lord: “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.” “He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities” (Psalm 103:8, 10).

Finally, as we began with the need for introspection and study, here are a few verses to commit to memory if we are having trouble with this specific subject:

“Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door” (James 5:9).

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13).

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:34, 35).

Let us be reconciled to our brother or sister (Matthew 5:23, 24), let us speak frankly of matters of difficulty, that we may give our enemy no ground on which to stand. Let us have confidence, and “know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren” (1 John 3:14).